so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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