totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
