Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
