i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
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i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
My breasts were aching with rage.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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