I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
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