Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
