is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Randomize