When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
