i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
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I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
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I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
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