My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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