This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
