Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
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