Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
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