Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
