So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
did i just pee glitter
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize