proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
