it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
I didn't shave. On purpose
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
