The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
