The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
