she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize