I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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