i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
We just shotgunned beers for America
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize
