A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
You dont lie about slip and slides
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Randomize
