so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Randomize
