Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
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