I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
