I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
