ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
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