Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Randomize