How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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