Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
