We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
