I want to make a zoo with you.
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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