I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
