Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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