Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
