I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Randomize
