She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
Randomize
