I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
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we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
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Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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