Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Randomize
