Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
