I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
