Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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