this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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