your parents love me but you hate me
Banned from zoo.
Again?
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Well I just put wine in my tea
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
