am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
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