i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
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