I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
