i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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