Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Randomize
