OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Randomize
