Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Randomize
