wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
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The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
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I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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