Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
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She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
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I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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