Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
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