I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize
