Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
