(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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