that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
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