I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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