Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Randomize
